Communication and how to communicate better

 

Five Phrases That Make People Discount What You’re Saying

These common expressions can cause listeners to think twice.

Fast Company

• Gwen Moran

don't use these expressions:"but"

“This might be stupid/silly”

“Respectfully”

“I’m so busy”

“Try”

5 Questions the Most Interesting People Will Always Ask in Conversations

The point is to get beyond the dreaded small talk.

Inc.

• Marcel Schwantes

 

And it all starts with asking the right questions. So kill the small talk and ban questions like “What do you do?” and “Where are you from?” in favor of these great conversational starters.

1. What's your story?

2. What makes you smile when you get up in the morning?

3. What is that one book that has influenced you the most?

4. What absolutely excites you right now?

5. What's the most important thing I should know about you?

But when it comes to first impressions, you don’t always have much time to get people to like you. So here are a few straightforward things that the most emotionally intelligent people do to cement their likability from the get-go:

1. Show Genuine Enthusiasm For Meeting

Being instantly likable isn’t rocket science, but this checklist takes practice to master in the short space of a first impression.

Fast Company

• Harvey Deutschendorf
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2. Offer A Compliment

In line with all the others, this question will elicit emotions to deepen the conversation and find connecting points. That's what you’re after -- creating space to discover what makes the other person tick, unique, or maybe frustrated so you can offer encouragement or make a difference in his or her life.

Finally, did you notice a pattern? It should be obvious. Here’s a hint: You take the initiative and make the conversation about the other person. People love to talk about themselves. This selfless act of putting the spotlight on someone else makes you the most interesting person in the room. 

3. Ask At Least Two Open-Ended Questions

Conversations often die quickly or turn into monologues when they aren’t propelled forward by good questions. When someone starts talking about something they enjoy, use that as an opening to ask more: “How did you get into that?” “What do you like most about it?” Since it’s something they’re clearly dying to talk about it, don’t just ask yes/no or simple factual questions that might cut off their chance to really dig into it.

Aim for at least two open-ended questions within the first few minutes of striking up a chat with somebody you’ve just met. That should be enough to get a good, in-depth conversation going. On a subconscious level, you’ll quickly become somebody they remember liking and will want to be around. 

4. Find Something You Share

Have you ever spoken with someone and found them distracted, glancing around the room or maybe maybe fiddling with their phone while you were speaking? If you did, there’s a slim chance you came away really liking them afterward. In order to make someone feel like they’re getting your full attention, you obviously need to focus on them exclusively. But you also have to find an interest or belief you both share.

The most emotionally intelligent people know that it’s easiest to connect with people they’ve found something in common with. These commonalities might not always be obvious, though; you have to look for them. For example, there’s a really experienced runner who works out at my gym, and we often have a chance to chat. Since I personally have zero interest in running, there wouldn’t seem to be common ground for a meaningful conversation beyond, “Good to see you again, how’s your week going?” But since most people like food, I once asked him what he eats before a major long-distance run. It gave us something in common to talk about.

These conversational openings are really simple but not always obvious right away just after meeting someone. Pay attention to what makes somebody light up, become more animated, and sit up straight. These little cues are easy to catch early on in your conversation, and they can make for great opportunities to quickly find commonalities, passions, and ideas to talk about in those crucial few minutes while we’re forming first impressions.

5. Say Their Name Before You Leave, And Commit Key Facts To Memory

Everybody loves the sound of their own name. Say it when you first meet someone; then sprinkle it throughout the conversation whenever you get the chance. At a minimum, make sure to say their name when you’re about to leave: “Really great meeting you, Shareen.” “Thanks for chatting, Kyle, let’s be in touch.”

Finally, emotionally intelligent people reinforce the likability they’ve banked during first impressions by remembering a few key details later on. 

Here’s the Best Way to Answer the Dreaded “Tell Me About Yourself” Question During a Job Interview

Hearing “tell me about yourself” is an intimidating way to start a job interview, but there is a right way to answer the question.

Mental Floss

• Michele Debczak
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